You have to......

These days I don't feel like blogging much. Been very lazy and thoughts seem to be evading me. 

But I felt a strong urge to scribble something today and rather than writing it down I am filling it here.

What will I talk about other than what happens in my little world. To be writing about the outside world and worldly things, I don't think I have the mettle to do that. Besides, I have decided to keep my life simple, devoid of thoughts that are profound and of otherworldly. For the time being, let my thoughts revolve around me and my little world that comprises those few people who matters most to me. 

Life has taken me through its myriad courses. When I look back I realize after all it wasn't that bad and there were many things I learned in this course of my life.

People come in and go out of our life. Some remain as buddies forever...  Some are easily forgotten.  Some teach us a lot about life.  Some give us a purpose for our life.  Some motivate us.  Some cheer us.  Some pull us down.  Some stay with us forever. Yes, this 'some' includes my family, friends, relatives, and almost everyone who has come into contact with me in this short life of mine. People who stay in our minds for a long time are the ones who have influenced us the most. They are the ones who must have been the very reason for our existence. I'm really lucky to have met some really good people like that. But such people are very less and very rare to find.

I often wonder how human beings influence each other so much so that their lives becomes so intertwined and can never be separated. When we look at the lives of animals, the influence they have on the other members of their own species are not so complex and bounding like what we find in human lives. It's very minimal. God is really strange to have created this human species without which the world would have been very very different place.

I wonder why is it that Yours Truly has become so thoughtful and philosophical today. But she is sometimes. Can't help it.

The 'Low' Episode

Well, back again with a bang!!!

:D ..My own attempts at making my blog entry a little dramatic... A blog with practically no readers but myself needs some self-boosting. But I love this, my blog and its uniqueness- In the sense that I am recording my thoughts in this blog of mine which could be read by some dear and close friends to whom I have shared the link. Though I don't have any regular readers to my blog, it is good. I am in love with my own blog :-) :-o I guess that's called 'pygmalionism.'

Now, coming to my title The 'Low' Episode. Yes, let me explain a little here. It refers to my bouts of low BP tendencies in the past two or three weeks. This low BP episode has become the talk of my colleagues the moment they see me around. The various and numerous advices and suggestions I have been receiving for the past few weeks to increase my BP to its normal -stable level has been tremendous and humongous!!! I mean whenever I meet a colleague or friend of mine who knows about this low BP episode of mine would start giving me suggestions on improving my diet. So much so that now I can advise anyone on the diet for a person with low BP.

To make it clear, it all started with a fainting episode one early morning (few weeks back) followed  by a BP check-up which showed it to be very low. After that incident, whenever I feel dizzy and tired in the middle of the day or in the evening or at times, in the morning itself, I just walk into the clinic in our campus and just get my BP checked by the nurses there. Every time, I get to see a wrinkled brow, a frown, or some strange not-so-fine expression on their faces. They would ask me, "Hey, you don't eat or what? Have lime juice with salt in it!!! Eat loads ma..Have fruits...take care..Have food from canteen".. so on and so forth. After checking a few times, I just stopped going there. Even when I feel dizzy or tired. I would just try my own methods to increase my BP and guess at times I succeed too.

After a few bouts of self-treatment I fell sick again. I mean veryyy low BP this time and finally decided to get home and be done with a thorough medical examination. Well, Dad was summoned as I wasn't allowed to travel alone. Poor Dad, with two daughters, always on wheels to fetch us, drop us, accompany us wherever, whatever and whenever. It feels good to be in the warm security of our dear and near ones. But quite often I do feel guilty for troubling them. Can't help it. I mean in our place a woman can't travel alone after 6pm. We can't take chances by traveling alone early in the morning before sunrise. If we do, then we would be nothing more than the hot topic of discussion in the next day's newspapers and TV channels. People from Kerala will understand why???

Well, coming back to the "Low Episode". I got a thorough medical check up -- blood tests, X-Ray, ECG, Scanning and what not. Spent four thousand bucks. And the results: I'm perfectly ok. No solid reason could be found out for the bouts of Low BP except that my pleasure of skipping my meals and breakfasts of and on was the villain. And Yes, I don't have enough Calcium in my body. I was prescribed to take Ca tablets for a month!

So here goes my anecdote, the low episode of my life! Hopefully bored my readers to death!

Stars Again!!!

It  feels really good to come back. It becomes necessary at times.

My mind is in a tumultuous state and it needs some relaxation and digression. My blog is always the best place for me to return to. I know I won't be judged here. I know I won't be questioned here. I know I won't have to fear anything here. This is my place, solely mine and I can divulge and indulge the way I want. No, I don't mean to say, I am thwarted in any way in my life otherwise. But there are certain things in our life which are beyond us and beyond our capabilities to change or sway according to our wishes. The stars and planets which rule the hearts of many a million, and which people think are the sole reason for the why and when of certain things in our life. I don't know whether I should be cribbing about any of these or just sit back and watch the stage enactments of all these follies and frolics.

Things happen so soon and so slow at times. Seems to me like I am reading a work of fiction. Life has baffled me many a times and it continues still. I really wish I do get a picture of things to be.

I'm getting so philosophical and I guess I must stop now.

To be or not to be.........

I have been away for quite some time. I mean from my blog. I strongly feel that I must write as often as I can. There are so many reasons why I have been away. But I don't want to share it now :)
Life's uncertainties have always baffled me. This time to such an extent that I really can't explain it. But the best thing this time around is that I'm loving it. Yes, it has been a week of surprises. A week, that has gone too fast and too confusing.
Happy weekend to myself !!!

Homewards :)

Missing my dear and near ones...

Guess I would get over the feeling today as I am going home after a couple of weeks...

I don't understand why at times, some sort of strange and peculiar feelings pop up in me when I don't visit home for a long time. I don't really think it could be termed as "Homesickness" as I am used to staying away from home for many years. But the feeling never goes off. I feel like drinking the water at home, breathe the fresh air, laze around in my home and garden, watch the birds cackling and cooing on a sunny afternoon, the mango trees bearing the first blossoms, the jack fruits ripe and big and many more sights just awaiting my arrival. I feel like watching all this and be a part of all that is happening around that little world of mine where I can be my true self, devoid of chains and worries and rules. It is so nice to be at one's own home and do specifically nothing but just be yourself and relax. That is a feeling inexplicable as far as I am concerned.

So off to home, though I could have started early in the afternoon but was impeded by some unnecessary formalities and stuff.

I am gonna embark on my journey homewards :) Though it is only a matter of five or six hours, it means quite a lot to me.

Friends are born not made!!!

I am dedicating this post to some very special people in my life.. Let me take this narrative through those few folks in my life who mean a lot to me.. who have been my pillars of support at the most needed occasions... They have influenced me in different ways in different phases of my life.. Yes, I am talking about the best of my buddies! My friends who have stayed by me through thick and thin. Those friends who touched my heart in a way that their friendship would be fondly remembered even if they cease being my friend. I have cent percent faith in most of them. I never doubted their intentions. So here goes the list:

1. Sweety - I must say a really cute and lovable person. We seldom meet each other. Sweety was one of the first best friends I made in school. Yes, our friendship since then had remained intact. It just grows as years pass by. More of a soul mate, even if we don't talk often, we could just continue from where we left. She is blessed with a baby boy and am really really happy for her. Our friendship has successfully celebrated 14 years and am damn sure it will continue to flourish no matter what or where our geographical locations are.

2.M - I can't tell you how grateful I am to you. You had taught me a lot. I admire you a lot. The kind of determination and strength that you displayed in spite of the setbacks and hardships you faced is amazing. It is rare to find people like you. You are very independent, devout and a little sensitive. (Your sensitive side is less known to the world). You pass off for an 'Iron Lady'. I can't thank you enough for being there as a pillar of support at a time when I needed you the most. You are the classic example for "a friend in need is a friend indeed". This was one of the earliest proverbs I learned in my great school.

3. M2 - Amazing that I have some very good friends who've names starting with M. M2 is very humble. M2 is very sensible, mature and intelligent. But M2 can be a little childish very rarely.Words are not often required when we have to convey something to her. She senses the situations, learns quickly from the surroundings. It is the kind of same wavelength which makes me comfortable to be friends with you. And yes, you are very generous in your love towards friends.

4. K - Chirpy, bubbly, lively - these are the adjectives with which I would like to describe you. Again it is a kind of wavelength and warmth that helps the two of us in confiding with each other. It is really good to have friends like you. I had criticized you at times, but my dear I just intended your well being. You are child like and childish alternatively!! I like you the way you are..

5.G- OMG! You are just adorable. Whenever we were together you had been just like a sibling. I must say an elder sis! I really loved being scolded by you. You were one unique character that I have ever met. So short-tempered, yet very idealistic, determined and self-willed. You were amazing. I have learned a lot from you as well. I felt so secure when you were around. You took care of me, motivated me and what not. I wish we could spent some time together.

That's all for today and thank you dear friends for being in my life in different stages of my life.

In blues for you sis...

Depressed!!!
This is the catchword today. Students are depressed. Professionals are depressed. Housewives are depressed. Who isn't depressed? Various shades and degrees of depression.
I'm also slightly depressed owing to various reasons. I have read somewhere that realizing the reasons and the causes for your grief or depression and comprehending that they would not stay on helps you in getting out of it gradually. Can I then not list out a few of them here. That would be better.
1. A student's arrogance dogged me in the morning, first session after a break.

2. An update in fb spoiled the rest of my day.

3. And this is the worst of all. And here I need to explain a little in detail. A news in the newspaper which I didn't read on purpose for fear of this depression sinking in more. But my poor mom had to share it with me when I called her at night. A girl (Soumya) in her early twenties was brutally molested during her train journey. She was going from her workplace to home. The attack and further atrocities meted out on her led to her death.

As usual, after the incident - the media, public, government, NGOs, Women's associations all came to the forefront claiming and disclaiming, portraying and narrating the various aspects of the gruesome murder. I don't want to go through the details of the morbid crime. But it was the most heinous one I have heard in recent times.

Why is it that women in our country are being ill-treated like this? Do we have to question the very foundation of our society and culture? Indian culture is upheld and praised like anything by West and East alike. I can't understand the barbaric tendencies displayed by men. Why are they succumbing to the animal instincts in them? Are these brutes still an animal and less human? Can't they discern what is right and what is wrong? Whatever it is, the part which hurt me most was the plight of the girl's mother who had insisted her daughter to travel on the same night to her native as one guy was coming to see her the next day. This is yet another custom here when marriages are 'arranged' by the girl and the boy's family.

A mother can identify well with her daughter. The mother-daughter relationship, I would say is the most beautiful of all the relations created by God. The perfect calm, sense of security, love and warmth that we get from our mother is incomparable. I am very close to my mother and she is perhaps one of the first "Best Friends" that I have made.

Poor mom, she was so upset after reading the news and watching the girl's burial in TV channels (Yeah.. As I said the media was dying to celebrate cover the story live). Both of my mom's daughters are put up in two different places far away from her. One is working and another is studying. After the first few journeys accompanied by dad or friends, now mostly we travel by ourselves. How can she feel at ease when she reads and hears such gruesome episodes? I don't mean to say this is quite recurrent in our society. But it could happen to ANYONE. Our own land and country being unsafe for us. Where else can we feel safer??

I can't express what I feel towards you, Soumya. Your life was snatched away from you and the society has responded immensely. But all this hue and cry would stop soon and there would be hardly any measures taken to safeguard women when they are out in the world. May your soul rest in peace and let your mother get the strength to bear your loss.

Mindfulness....

Last few days were spent basically reading, reading and more reading. Well, it's not any literature books as you guess. It was the n number of blogs that I came across. I find it quite amusing. Understanding and observing human nature and behaviour have been one of my favourite past time activities ever since I remember. I feel the blogs do reveal a little about each person's character, likes and dislikes. I stumbled upon the blog of a schoolmate and dear friend of mine. I pinged her after many days and shared my discoveries with her. It was surprising to note a few similarities in character that we possessed which were hitherto unknown to both of us (Both of us being a little sensitive, naive and some of the quirkiness that we shared). It was nice talking to her and reading her posts. I must say her blog is a beautiful collage of her life till date - simple yet interesting!!
In fact the idea of blogging was inspired by one Ms.P, from whom I heard about blogging a few years back, guess it was in 2007. I had in fact declared her as my Tutor in blogging, though I seldom get to interact with her. I wasn't that tech-savvy during those days. I must confess, I was rather ignorant. Not that I am really good now. But I can manage on my own. My typing speed has increased tremendously, to the extent that a few people had even asked me if I have learnt type writing :D.

What I wish to achieve with my experiments in blogging would be as follows:

• Leave some of my thoughts for my dear and near ones to read after I am no more.
• As they say, any work of art (I really doubt if there is any art and creativity in mine) is eternal. I think words are eternal.
• I may wish to convey something to people around me. It could be something which I cannot tell them on face but express in my blog B-)
• I couldn't help it. I had to pen down some of my thoughts. Excuse me readers! You have to bear with my ramblings.
• Finally, as I believe there is a writer in me who wishes to liberate the woman in me (Here, I do sound like a 'feminist' - a word which has been truly misunderstood by the majority of humankind).

Halo - We miss u....

Halo....is now a sweet memory. I had always thought of writing about him. I saw him for the first time when he was just a few weeks old. Chubby, cute and tiny- he was like a mass of white snow. Bringing him home was the topic of discussion for many a days in our home and finally one evening without getting the final confirmation from the lady of the house, my dad decided to bring him as a surprise. He was for sure that on seeing this cute, little thing my mom cannot even think of rejecting him.

My mom's first reaction on seeing him was "How could he survive without his mother's milk and care?" Well, dad had solutions for everything. We were asked to give him milk with glucose powder mixed in it. That was Halo's main food for many days from then on. He used to drink it from his small plate and his stomach alone would grow in size disproportionate to his body mass. The stomach used to be like the kernel of a small coconut or a small sized ball. When he scrawled in our sitting room after this feast of milk+glucose, it was almost like a small ball rolling on. Biscuits soaked in milk was also his favourite then. So that was the first few days of Halo's life. We used to take the measurements of his legs, ears, and tail. He was so tiny that we could hold him in one palm. That was how we started liking and playing with our first ever puppy. His breed was Pomeranian and he was quite majestic looking when compared to other dogs of his breed. He was from a noble dog family, his dad and mom living in the same home and his mother was notorious for her ferocity. Some of those genes were transferred onto our Halo as well which we realized later.

Halo was very soon a part of our family...feeding him, attending to him, taking him for walk, playing with him - all this had become a part of our daily routine and yes... it added a special warmth to our lives. It was like having a new member in the family. One day ma decided to make him a little aggressive in character which I didn't encourage but which was ultimately implemented. To make him angry, Ma used to tie a biscuit on a small thread and swing it in front of Halo and when he jumps to get it she would pull it away, thus making him angry and he also started giving tiny little barks as he grew restless. However such efforts of my Ma resulted in Halo being a very short tempered and ferocious dog. Though, all these attributes of his was never tried on anyone of us. He never tolerated strangers, especially if they were shabbily dressed or if they carried any big baggage with them. He liked kids to some extent and he used to scold (bark at) them when they run around and make noise. It was more like the attitude of an elder brother who didn't wish the kids to fall down and break their legs. Halo was quite adjusting as well. When we decided to keep a few cats as our pets, he was initially hostile to them. But later on, he took it upon himself to safeguard the kittens and bring them up. He knew exactly which were the cats that belonged to the household and which were the ones that were wild and naughty. Sweety and Manu's kittens were treated like his own puppies. Nandu was the last kitten that was brought up by him. They used to snuggle and sleep in his thick hair. Halo's hair was of an off-white colour with a tinge of light brown on his back.

When I think about Halo, the first thing that comes to mind would be his lovely dark eyes. He used to converse with those eyes. He conveyed all his feelings through those black eyes. It used to become misty when he was happy or sad. I wonder when I started admiring animals. But as far as I could remember, I always loved animals, birds, nature and almost everything that was natural. But I had really felt the love of an animal from Halo, my first pet. The love that he gave us was untainted, selfless and devoid of any selfish design The utter faith, the complete trust the pets have for us is something worth learning from them. They are so innocent. The love they have for their master and his family cannot be bribed or altered. Even if we hurt them they never try to hurt us back. People say animals are uncouth and wild. But I feel they are more civil than us. It is not for the food and shelter we give them, it is for the love that we give which makes them attached to us. Halo never trusted anyone outside our close family circle. He wouldn't touch the food offered by a stranger even if it was his favorite one. I could read his body language. I could understand his different styles of bark Yes, I know all pet lovers can do that. Halo even used to smile at us. "It was really comfortable spending time with you, Halo! You used to listen to everything I said."

How I remember his embarrassment when I surprised him one afternoon during his nap. He used to know of our home-coming even before we turned the road to our home. He used to smell our arrival even before he saw us. The best thing about having a pet is forgetting all your worries in its presence. Halo was quite possessive about us, especially the two of us - me and my sis. In his childhood he was like our little brother. When he grew older, he used to behave like our elder brother. He was very mature and stopped all his childish pranks. We were surprised by his transformation. My sis being the youngest in the family, he wasn't very obedient to her. He used to play with her and never obeyed her orders. They both used to run around the courtyard in the evenings. Later when she moved on to higher classes, she couldn't spend more time with him. That was how he started losing on the exercises and slightly gained weight. This led to increase of cholesterol and eventually to a heart disease. If we had given him some more exercises, we could have had him longer. He left us when he was nine. True to his name, he was spreading light and sunshine when he was around. After he left, my mother never allowed us to keep another pet. It was like the loss of a close family member. It took many days for us to come out of it.

I remember reading a short story wherein a lonely old lady was worried about being separated from her pet dogs after her death. She kept asking her doctor whether dogs had souls. The doctor consoled her by saying that she could meet them in heaven after her death. I too wonder whether they have souls. I do believe they have. I also feel Halo would know when I am thinking about him. I hope I will meet him again sometime in some other world.

Musings on my career paths...

A career that is fulfilling, encouraging and satisfying is the dream of a great many people in this world. Very few can vouchsafe for sure that their job is the best or the most appeasing in terms of job-satisfaction, remuneration and motivation. Human needs and desires are endless. Can we declare our job at a particular point of time in our career to be the best or the most suitable one? Or do we always strive for something ideal in our own fields?

I strongly believe that a job that is satisfying and up to our expectations can make tremendous change in our life. The job that we engage ourselves in can have a considerable influence on our life. I don't think that money is the only reason why people go to work. It is one of the reasons but there are other intense reasons as well. Of course, there are people who work only for making more money which they think is the indispensable necessity of life.The kind of well-being that we get after contributing some thing of ourselves in a cause or project that is not directly related to us but which is for a greater and nobler cause makes us feel unique and distinctive.

Teaching, I believe is one such field of work which never exhausts you. New faces, young energy, the enthusiasm and the eagerness to learn that we find in some students - this makes this profession incomparable with any job in the world. People can disagree but I thoroughly enjoy my job. The satisfaction of handling a session well, delivering fragments of knowledge and wisdom to the students who are eager to learn, the simple pranks that we get to see in the class - all this makes teaching a memorable experience in one's life. It is not just imparting knowledge to the students, it is more of a self-learning that I gain every day of my teaching. Knowledge is vast and no one can ever claim to say that someone has mastered everything...this is all the knowledge in the world..I have acquired it. It is just impossible. I have learned a lot by just listening, observing and imbibing whatever I could by simply being as silent and unassuming as possible.

A good job can mould, transform and ennoble the person that we are. A place where one gets recognized for the efforts one puts in is truly motivating in the initial days of the career. But it seldom happens and when it happens it is really inspiring.
A career as far as I am concerned is my destiny...my key to self-realization and personal satisfaction.

New Resolutions...

It was really hard searching for a subject to write on.. It is a new year..new resolutions..but its always difficult to let go of a past which again prompted to go for the new resolutions. It is not the dearth of a subject but rather the obscurity and abstractness of the subject which is stopping me to pursue it.
I try to de personalize my scribblings but then this 'I' keeps recurring. I wonder if I am a little self obsessed. No, may be I am more of an introspect who likes to evaluate and judge every thought and action of mine. Why do I find it difficult to accept that the subject has to change. It has to be something noble, liberating and not a lament of what is past and bygone.
Life often takes one through strange and abrupt routes. This is oft-heard in the discourse about human life. But I have been through the uncertain so much in my life that I don't believe anything to be stable and reliable. Of late, life has taught me to expect the unexpected. Joy and sorrow come together that it becomes hard to differentiate the two and I wonder whether to rejoice or grieve. The instability and unpredictability of life baffles me at this juncture of my life when I am blessed with so many good things. I wonder if the good will remain longer and life won't give me bumps again. There is so much to write, so much to think. I wish to pen down everything that comes to my mind.
I believe my New Year resolutions would stay in place and this year be something memorable as always.....