I realized in the middle of the night that I hadn't posted anything in my blog for almost two years. Yes! It's a pretty long time. I had been 'mind-blogging' (if I may say that) for a long time. I could easily say that the last one year or so in my life have been the most life-changing year of my life. I have become a mother. I am blessed with a baby girl. I have become a person that I had never been before in my life.
Sometimes, I had felt that there was a lot of hype about motherhood and pregnancy. But I feel it deserved the attention it called for. But that also doesn't mean that this is the "ONLY" major thing in a woman's life. I enjoy my phase of motherhood. I totally adore my little angel. She is still a thing of wonder for me. The wonder and disbelief that she is made of my flesh and blood. The wonder that I helped create a new life. The wonder I felt when I saw my wee little baby for the first time ever. I still marvel at my one year old toddler because I never thought she would grow up so soon. How I love her smiles! I love the look on her eyes when she is discovering and learning new things everyday. I see her eyes filled with gratitude and love. I can go on about my little wonder.
Motherhood is totally engaging. Motherhood is also at times guilt-ridden. I am not a perfect mother. I do a better job when I learn things from my mother. Or may be when I get some help. I don't know someone who is perfect. It is okay not to be perfect. Perfection is an adjective often tagged along with women because she is supposed to be perfect in everything. Be it motherhood, matrimony, career or whatever. The pressure to be the best and perfect in everything she does weighs down a woman so much. A new mother is often judged, seldom given a chance to prove herself. A new mother in our society is loaded with advice and counselling on baby-care to postpartum healing to weight-gain or weight-loss that most often she loses her individuality. All said, it is a real challenge to any woman. No one is a born mother. I mean no woman ever is. Not all women are the nurturing and melting kind. Some become a mother as soon as she realizes she has tiny speck growing inside her. Some get the stirrings of motherhood when she gets the first flutter. Some get it when she beholds her little one for the first time ever. Some become a mother to their siblings. I have often felt a motherly feeling and responsibility towards my sister. Sometimes to a niece or a cousin. When I became a mother, the feeling dawned on me slowly. I would say it took a wholeweek for me to really sink in and fall in love madly with my little one. I should also say that during the course of my pregnancy, every week and every month when I felt her growing inside me, it felt amazing. I talked to my bump during my alone-time. I counted the kicks. Anything and everything I did during that period made me think of the impact it had on my baby. It included even my thoughts and I used to flood my mind with only positive thoughts though I had many setbacks during that phase.
Well, as of now I have so many things going on in my mind. I need clarity with regard to so many things. My baby is constant source of joy. At the same time, I fret about being the 'perfect' mother to her. This post is a revival to my blogging, a revisiting to some of my favorite blogs and a reckoning of my motherhood days! Hope to blog more often...