The Yin and Yang

Courtesy: Google Images

Of late I have not been posting anything on my blog. No specific reason as such. If I wanted, I could have found time to post something. I wanted to but couldn't make myself do it. Though, I do visit my blog at times, I leave without updating it. Recently, a few friends who read my blog, motivated me to blog more often. And encouragements and motivations work well with me. I decided to give my blogging skills a try again.

When I retrospect my life, I feel I have accomplished quite a bit. I don't mean any monetary or material accomplishments. Every day of my life has taught me something or the other. Every year, I have matured. I understand things in a better light. I have been able to analyse and understand people in a better way. Observation has taught me quite a bit. I believe only when one introspects and keep introspecting, one has a lot of insights about oneself.

People around me have also enlightened me a lot. A few experiences have left me baffled and clueless after my interactions with some people. I feel sorry for certain people who are grown up yet not grown up. If I share a few of my thoughts, it is something like this: Some people are always interested in other people's lives, some try to intimidate others to hide their own flaws, some people worship others for reasons only they know, some people lose their individuality and are just superficial existences. Some are so negative that one regrets the time spent with them. Some spend their whole life apple-polishing. Some appear to be so sweet and refined but talk behind your back the moment you leave. Some try their best to camouflage their malice but it spills out and they cannot hide it. Some take pleasure in bossing around people. Their arrogance puts you off. For some, the only existence of life is to GOSSIP. I have also been part of grapevine but it was not my sole objective in life.

I have also had the pleasure of being in the company of people who have made me a better person. Some inspire you by the way they lead their life. Some work so hard that you are motivated to be like them. Some have a strong reason to thrive and survive which makes you find your own reasons. Some are so compassionate, you soften in their presence. Some are so disciplined, you try to find some discipline in your own life. Some are ever so cheerful, it is contagious. Some are so understanding and loving, you can always find them ready to lend an ear. Some are so sensible and level-headed, you can try to be like them. Some are so bold and courageous for all the right reasons, you can follow them.

By sharing this, I don't intend to give anyone even the faintest idea that I am perfect or flawless. I know myself. I have my opinion on things that matters to me. I will never try to persuade or change anyone. No one can change anyone but oneself. So I changed myself. I chose to ignore the negative influences around me. That makes me happier. I was under the impression that I am way beyond silly ego clashes, cat fights and taunts. But I find myself in the midst of it all. NO. I have not indulged in a cat fight yet. I thought I was very adaptable. But I realized no matter how hard one tries to adapt and adjust, there comes a point when one loses all calm and decide to sever ties with people who cannot be tolerated any more. When some people repeatedly try to hit your raw nerve, you might lose your cool which you don't normally do in public. 

So that's it for now. Certain incidents triggered these lines of thought and am happy that I could blog after such a long time. 

 

Stars Again!!!

It  feels really good to come back. It becomes necessary at times.

My mind is in a tumultuous state and it needs some relaxation and digression. My blog is always the best place for me to return to. I know I won't be judged here. I know I won't be questioned here. I know I won't have to fear anything here. This is my place, solely mine and I can divulge and indulge the way I want. No, I don't mean to say, I am thwarted in any way in my life otherwise. But there are certain things in our life which are beyond us and beyond our capabilities to change or sway according to our wishes. The stars and planets which rule the hearts of many a million, and which people think are the sole reason for the why and when of certain things in our life. I don't know whether I should be cribbing about any of these or just sit back and watch the stage enactments of all these follies and frolics.

Things happen so soon and so slow at times. Seems to me like I am reading a work of fiction. Life has baffled me many a times and it continues still. I really wish I do get a picture of things to be.

I'm getting so philosophical and I guess I must stop now.

To be or not to be.........

I have been away for quite some time. I mean from my blog. I strongly feel that I must write as often as I can. There are so many reasons why I have been away. But I don't want to share it now :)
Life's uncertainties have always baffled me. This time to such an extent that I really can't explain it. But the best thing this time around is that I'm loving it. Yes, it has been a week of surprises. A week, that has gone too fast and too confusing.
Happy weekend to myself !!!

Musings on my career paths...

A career that is fulfilling, encouraging and satisfying is the dream of a great many people in this world. Very few can vouchsafe for sure that their job is the best or the most appeasing in terms of job-satisfaction, remuneration and motivation. Human needs and desires are endless. Can we declare our job at a particular point of time in our career to be the best or the most suitable one? Or do we always strive for something ideal in our own fields?

I strongly believe that a job that is satisfying and up to our expectations can make tremendous change in our life. The job that we engage ourselves in can have a considerable influence on our life. I don't think that money is the only reason why people go to work. It is one of the reasons but there are other intense reasons as well. Of course, there are people who work only for making more money which they think is the indispensable necessity of life.The kind of well-being that we get after contributing some thing of ourselves in a cause or project that is not directly related to us but which is for a greater and nobler cause makes us feel unique and distinctive.

Teaching, I believe is one such field of work which never exhausts you. New faces, young energy, the enthusiasm and the eagerness to learn that we find in some students - this makes this profession incomparable with any job in the world. People can disagree but I thoroughly enjoy my job. The satisfaction of handling a session well, delivering fragments of knowledge and wisdom to the students who are eager to learn, the simple pranks that we get to see in the class - all this makes teaching a memorable experience in one's life. It is not just imparting knowledge to the students, it is more of a self-learning that I gain every day of my teaching. Knowledge is vast and no one can ever claim to say that someone has mastered everything...this is all the knowledge in the world..I have acquired it. It is just impossible. I have learned a lot by just listening, observing and imbibing whatever I could by simply being as silent and unassuming as possible.

A good job can mould, transform and ennoble the person that we are. A place where one gets recognized for the efforts one puts in is truly motivating in the initial days of the career. But it seldom happens and when it happens it is really inspiring.
A career as far as I am concerned is my destiny...my key to self-realization and personal satisfaction.

New Resolutions...

It was really hard searching for a subject to write on.. It is a new year..new resolutions..but its always difficult to let go of a past which again prompted to go for the new resolutions. It is not the dearth of a subject but rather the obscurity and abstractness of the subject which is stopping me to pursue it.
I try to de personalize my scribblings but then this 'I' keeps recurring. I wonder if I am a little self obsessed. No, may be I am more of an introspect who likes to evaluate and judge every thought and action of mine. Why do I find it difficult to accept that the subject has to change. It has to be something noble, liberating and not a lament of what is past and bygone.
Life often takes one through strange and abrupt routes. This is oft-heard in the discourse about human life. But I have been through the uncertain so much in my life that I don't believe anything to be stable and reliable. Of late, life has taught me to expect the unexpected. Joy and sorrow come together that it becomes hard to differentiate the two and I wonder whether to rejoice or grieve. The instability and unpredictability of life baffles me at this juncture of my life when I am blessed with so many good things. I wonder if the good will remain longer and life won't give me bumps again. There is so much to write, so much to think. I wish to pen down everything that comes to my mind.
I believe my New Year resolutions would stay in place and this year be something memorable as always.....

Mazha

"ee mazhanoolil enikku oru oonjaal kettanam
kanda swapnangal ellam cherthu oru mazha aayi peyyanam"

- Lines by a Malayalam poet whose name I don't remember....

Mazha/ rain/ baarish/ mallai (he he... the word 'rain' rendered in all the languages I know) has been the subject of many a poems and stories that I have read. Especially in Indian literature, the monsoons are an integral part of our lives. I am reminded of a Hindi play titled -" Ashad ka ek din" by Mohan Rakesh.  It was a prescribed text in Second Language during my graduation. Somehow this play with its description of ashad (ashad means rain) and its association with the central characters is touching and captivating. It is a tragedy (and I don't like tragedies). But the plot has remained in my mind for a long time.

 I am not that fascinated by the monsoons. I like it if I get to be at home when it rains. I hate to be out when it is raining. I prefer being at the cosiness of my room, watching the rain from windows or balcony, from where I make sure not a single drop wets me. I love watching the rain. I like the look of leaves and plants that are rain-washed and shining. I like it when it feels like all the trees and plants have taken a bath :) Oh! I do like to watch the rain falling on the ground, making patterns and ripples, the sound of rain, musical and lilting, different every time it rains.

My sis and I used to make paper boats and float it in the water that had accumulated in the courtyard of my mom's ancestral home. That was an interesting and fascinating game. I didn't mind getting drenched then. It was just awesome. The very feel and thought of it makes me very nostalgic. Those childhood fantasies and memories... no wonder rain makes people nostalgic and sentimental.

But now, I am very particular and obstinate of the fact that I like monsoon only if I am allowed to stay at home and watch it from a distance. It is so comfortable to cuddle and sleep in your cosy bed when it rains outside.I know I know what you are thinking "Such a lazy goose this female is!!"  :))

Life is a tale....

"Life is a tale told by an idiot..full of sound and fury..signifying nothing" lines by Shakespeare from his famous tragedy 'Macbeth'. I have felt many a time, these words are really an echo of the fragile human life in this temporary abode of man called earth. When we look back at our life, things we valued most during a period of life mean nothing now. An absolute vacuum. But life has to go on.It will go on, leaving behind all that we tried to possess, cherish and adore. Things are not as they seem. Something that we thought had a great influence on us will in a matter of time 'signify nothing'. The great lessons that life teaches us remains a lesson learnt for a lifetime. Life is a great teacher. Every phase of your life teaches great lessons. Words that used to make you happy once would make you abhor it later. Memories are like the beautiful sights of nature that you had seen once and which becomes a replica in your mind forever. The thought of it brings in a rush of emotions. I am sounding like a philosopher or rather like a paganist. But I like being one. I wish I could solve all the intricacies of this complex phenomenon called life. Be God - like. Be able to see through everything. Wonder what a terrible experience it would be. I guess that makes Gods different from us. Life is also like these notes I wrote above. No clear beginning and you never know the ending. You never know the paths that you have to travel. But one thing I know today is that I am not what I used to be. And that is what made me endevour this recording of my thoughts as it-came-to- my- mind. There was a term I studied. I guess its called Stream of Consciousness. Critics can attribute my ramblings to be a fake and futile attempt to emulate the Stream of Consciousness. I don't mind being criticized. I don't bother. This is my space (I guess so..I don't know much about a blogger's rights!!). Let me write what I feel. I have learnt to take better care of myself and not be selfless. Selfishness I guess is an essential skill to be adopted in today's rather selfish and callous world. This is enough for today. May I be redeemed by my writings to be a better human being. Not all can be like me!