Blogger Nostalgia!

Whenever I get back to this happy place of mine, I feel so elated. Typing away what comes to mind without any reservations as to who is going to judge me, makes me come back to this space of mine every once in a while. I find most bloggers whom I have been following have stopped blogging since a long time. I have been back to this after almost a year.

I invariably realize the fact that there aren't any readers for this blog as such. But this private space that I have created for myself in this world wide network is something that excites me like a child who has done something on his/her own for the first time.

The old posts of mine let me look at myself as a person who has evolved from what she was to what she is now. Those posts remind me of the different stages and places that I have been through in my life. Retrospection has always given me a better understanding of human behaviors in various circumstances. The woman in me at times turns out to be sober, sensible and level-headed. Yet, at times the child and the adolescent me pops out and I look at the sheepish me. Of all the things that I have learned and observed in these three decades of my life, what gives me lucidity is my introspective nature. I look into myself quite often, have conversations with myself and keep questioning my motives and actions. And when I am at a juncture to decide which path to take, I find myself reassured to take the path that is often righteous and rock-steady. The light that guides me is within me and I make sure I am in touch with this sunshine every now and then.

Technology has been so pervasive and its effects have trapped me into spending more of my time on gadgets than on more productive things like reading and writing. Well, I do enjoy penning down on a book, probably the ease of preserving the writings online by blogging seems more efficacious. Everything is in one place and I don't have to worry about searching or storing it. Also, the fun of reading the older writings by just a few clicks is rewarding.

I realize this post is about my blogging interests and passion to keep this going no matter what. I hope to religiously pen down at least a few random thoughts that knock my mind and  keep myself sane amidst this rat race that has no specific finishing line. 

Revival-Revisiting-Reckoning

I realized in the middle of the night that I hadn't posted anything in my blog for almost two years. Yes! It's a pretty long time. I had been 'mind-blogging' (if I may say that) for a long time. I could easily say that the last one year or so in my life have been the most life-changing year of my life. I have become a mother. I am blessed with a baby girl. I have become a person that I had never been before in my life.

Sometimes, I had felt that there was a lot of hype about motherhood and pregnancy. But I feel it deserved the attention it called for. But that also doesn't mean that this is the "ONLY" major thing in a woman's life. I enjoy my phase of motherhood. I totally adore my little angel. She is still a thing of wonder for me. The wonder and disbelief that she is made of my flesh and blood. The wonder that I helped create a new life. The wonder I felt when I saw my wee little baby for the first time ever. I still marvel at my one year old toddler because I never thought she would grow up so soon. How I love her smiles! I love the look on her eyes when she is discovering and learning new things everyday. I see her eyes filled with gratitude and love. I can go on about my little wonder.

Source:Google images

 Motherhood is totally engaging. Motherhood is also at times guilt-ridden. I am not a perfect mother. I do a better job when I learn things from my mother. Or may be when I get some help. I don't know someone who is perfect. It is okay not to be perfect. Perfection is an adjective often tagged along with women because she is supposed to be perfect in everything. Be it motherhood, matrimony, career or whatever. The pressure to be the best and perfect in everything she does weighs down a woman so much. A new mother is often judged, seldom given a chance to prove herself. A new mother in our society is loaded with advice and counselling on baby-care to postpartum healing to weight-gain or weight-loss that most often she loses her individuality. All said, it is a real challenge to any woman. No one is a born mother. I mean no woman ever is. Not all women are the nurturing and melting kind. Some become a mother as soon as she realizes she has tiny speck growing inside her. Some get the stirrings of motherhood when she gets the first flutter. Some get it when she beholds her little one for the first time ever. Some become a mother to their siblings. I have often felt a motherly feeling and responsibility towards my sister. Sometimes to a niece or a cousin. When I became a mother, the feeling dawned on me slowly. I would say it took a whole

week for me to really sink in and fall in love madly with my little one. I should also say that during the course of my pregnancy, every week and every month when I felt her growing inside me, it felt amazing. I talked to my bump during my alone-time. I counted the kicks. Anything and everything I did during that period made me think of the impact it had on my baby. It included even my thoughts and I used to flood my mind with only positive thoughts though I had many setbacks during that phase.

Well, as of now I have so many things going on in my mind. I need clarity with regard to so many things. My baby is constant source of joy. At the same time, I fret about being the 'perfect' mother to her. This post is a revival to my blogging, a revisiting to some of my favorite blogs and a reckoning of my motherhood days! Hope to blog more often...