It feels strange or I should rather say awkward getting back here after a span of six years. I don't even know if I should be posting this or not. So much has transpired in these past years. The kind of change that I see in me as a person is kind of bizarre. Yes, that's the right word. Contrary to the world view, sometimes the kind of wisdom that is expected to dawn on you as you grow older seems to be eluded at times. And yet the number of years being alive on this Earth is directly proportional to the experience that one gains here. Experience is truly golden. Surviving is no mean task. The dark days of Covid and Nipah seem to be in the past. The after-effects of the same still continues.
The last ten years of my life have been the most momentous, happening and breaking years of my life. Midlife crisis is real. Parenting is tough. Adulting is hard. But in spite of all these, there is goodness and beauty, and real, solid life that was happening. It is confusing and meddling at the same time. Life, that is. That is how it is supposed to be. You eventually figure out things.
You fail. You win. You lose. You hurt. You flourish. You beam. You struggle.
It all happens in such pace that one is left wondering about this enigma called life. I wonder if I should believe in nihilism or fate. What's life? I am now in this search for meaning of life, this wisdom. If at all, it is there or even achievable. I don't know when one is supposed to be the 'be-all and end-all'. The master of everything? Or the all-knowing? Why is it that we are always in quest for knowledge? It is the endless saga of exploring, understanding, learning, the search for ultimate truth. The curiosity that expelled Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden, the self-same thirst for knowledge, to know it all, that probably keeps us moving forward and on.
It feels ridiculous to bare it all out here, on this rather outdated platform. Well, the ending of a two-month long sabbatical needs some sort of recording. At a time when we are so glued onto our phones, to Instagram and WhatsApp - two integral parts of my life right now - I felt it was necessary to cut myself from these two addictive platforms and devote myself to this less visited and almost forgotten blog of mine. I was in desperate need for a digital detox. This detox that I am referring to is basically to stay out of Instagram which was consuming my time. I was addicted to reels and posts of various natures. I could find beautiful poetry, songs, and stories of strangers from across the world. I would marvel at someone's skill in articulating human emotions and ethos so poetically through words and paintings. I could also gratify my sweet cravings through visualization as it would keep my calories in check. Pretty strange ways to keep your sugar intake in check. Being bothered about what I am consuming is proof that I am truly experiencing my mid-life crisis..
One probably ends up quirkier as one grows old!! I am the proof of that.
